Afterthoughts
by kardamon
Summary: Sookie overhears Bill and Eric's conversation after the confrontation in Moongodess and it makes her rethink some things. S/E
1. Chapter 1

**Hallo everybody!**

**I'm a girl on a mission – fixing the worst fuck-ups of TB season 4.**

**This story begins after the confrontation in Moongoddess, but some of the details are AU, so don't be surprised. The origin of it is my frustration with Sookie who in addition to not choosing Eric over Bill seems to care only for the latter's well-being (was there at least one 'Eric!' there? I'm not sure) when they are both in danger, even if she just declared she loved the both.**

**No beta – looking for one.**

**I don't own True Blood. It's actually much closer to owning me than I would ever be to owning it.**

I closed my eyes and let everything to fade away for a moment.

Only it didn't.

I sighed. I was so exhausted I could have fall asleep standing, but at the same time my own thoughts didn't seem to share my desire to stop the world from spinning. Those little traitors. Every time I tried to close my eyes, images from the last few days and hours kept to come back to me.

Currently I was taking deep breaths while sitting at the passenger's seat in my brother's empty truck, where I came in a desperate attempt to calm down before anybody confront me. The truck was parked in the back alley near the Moon Goddess, just around the corner. And I was in the middle of the third series of my spontaneous breathing practice.

How did it happen? All of it? How did my life became something akin to a parodist version of a tacky supernatural soap-opera? And, more important, what was I supposed to do now?

I knew I wouldn't be solving any dilemmas that night. I was too upset and distracted to keep my telepathic shields in place and concentrating was next to impossible. The random strays of thoughts kept washing over me: I could recognise Jason's mind – which was actually nearly comforting because of its familiarity, despite of peculiar content – my other friends' somewhere in the background, drowning in the general mental noise emitted by all those people – former Marnie's followers. And then, there were, of course, vampires – the easiest to pinpoint, blissfully silent blank spots circling between all of them, busy glamouring humans. I could tell – listening to the exact moment when that buzzing activity suddenly switched to the static was kinda fascinating.

There were three of them. One was missing. It was probably Pam who took off after disobeying her maker. I've never thought I would say it, but thank God for Pam. It was her who managed to shake them all out of their trance.

I still couldn't believe they were willing to go trough Marnie's instructions without protest, without plan, without even trying to negotiate. At first I thought it was some kind of a sick joke – I mean, really, why were they so eager to sacrifice themselves when Marnie wasn't giving them anything in return? She wasn't planning on letting me go! What guaranty did they have she would not kill me anyway? In fact, I was sure she would, just out of pure malice. She was insane.

Bill, I could understand, it was more like him. You could see such choice knowing his MO – or at least his image. But Eric? Eric was a man with a plan. He was not a one to walk into that kind of situations – the lost-lost situations - without... well, without **trying** to do something. How would it help anybody if he'd let himself killed? He was the one that had gone as far as letting me believe he'd been willing to give me as a shiny chew-toy to Russel, for goodness sake! He let me hate him in order to save us all. Yes, he was risking his life then, too, but he was still gaining something, he had a purpose! Now, there was nothing.

As soon as I realised he was not kidding, that there was no trick, nothing up his sleeve, I panicked. Here I was, losing the only two men I've ever loved at the same moment. Served me right for not making a choice. I wanted both of them? - well I wasn't going to be able to keep any of them. I was scared for both of them, but it was seeing Eric Northman sinking on his knees, giving up, simply waiting for being slaughtered that made me lost it.

I don't know, maybe it was just because he was first in line to be killed, but I couldn't concentrate on anything else then. I think I yelled all of this, all my reasoning trying to stop them, to make someone stop them! But it wasn't working.

... and for what? For me? For giving me a chance to live few more minutes? After what I said and did to him last night? After how – I realised suddenly – **cruel **I was to him, when I all but dismissed him opening up to me for the first time in who knows how long and bravely admitting he...

Now this thousand year old warrior was about to be shot by the very man whose name I used to taint Eric's confession.

Not on my watch.

So I screamed. I screamed for someone, anybody, to stop this madness. Realising too late, that no one except me gave a shit. No one but Pam.

It was then, in the last moment before Bill pulled the trigger, I called her name. Our eyes locked for a split of second and I knew - we were thinking the same thing: no way.

She fired at Marnie and all the hell broke loose. I suppose Eric was angry at her for taking that risk, but I was only grateful. After all, it ended well – we made it alive, or undead, I don't really care.

I sighed. Look at me, here I was again, unable to stop myself from reliving it over and over. I just hoped Jason would come here and took me home already.

Suddenly the double sound of slowly approaching footsteps brought me out of my musings. However, it was not my brother coming, nor my friends. I detected two vampire minds in some distance behind me. The night was warm, so I had car windows open and could hear them just fine. Didn't they know I was here? Were they too occupied by themselves to notice me? Did they know I could hear them? Did they forget my senses were much sharper now, after ingesting all that vampire blood? Or maybe they just didn't care?

The sickening sound of the gun being reloaded invaded my thoughts. I froze. But it wasn't what I assumed. Neither was it the worst thing I was about to hear that night.

- So... Tell me, Bill – said the voice I'd recognise everywhere. - Was Pam's gun also loaded with the wooden bullets, or were these only for me?

**Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hallo again! Thank you for all your reviews and alerts! It means a lot.**

**I'd like to thank my Beta, cokecrazy, and let you know that all _remaining _mistakes are mine ;) (I re-edited few things at the last minute).**

**Also, I still don't own True Blood.**

2. Silence.

Long – and then longer. I'd never think something as peaceful-like as silence could be so disturbing. Everything froze. My heartbeat was the only sound I could hear, so I was counting the beats.

One beat... Two beats... Three beats...

Ten beats...

"Don't be ridiculous", said Bill finally.

But all I could think was: _too long_. He'd been quiet for too long before he answered.

I sank deeper in the car seat and risked a glance at the mirror. I knew I would be hidden from their view in my position in the car, but my heart was hammering so loud I was surprised that alone had not alerted them of my presence.

Why didn't I think earlier about the bullets? Maybe _that _was Eric's plan? The missing element? Maybe he was counting on the guns being loaded with the regular ammunition? In all that drama I never stopped to wonder what damage a gunshot could do to a vampire. I forgot they were supposed to be immune (or mostly immune) to that kind of weapon – otherwise I wouldn't be so concerned when they were about to shoot each other. Besides, why would Bill take anti-vampire bullets when he was planning on fighting the witch? It's not like wood was lethal to Marnie, as far as I knew.

I saw Eric's tall, lean frame in the distance. His back was turned to me and he was facing Bill, but I could see neither of their faces. There was a gun in Eric's left hand, but he wasn't pointing it at Bill, rather simply holding it, and his other palm was open and flat, turned upwards, as if he was showing Bill something small lying on it. Probably a bullet.

"Speaking of bullets", Eric inquired, "You wouldn't by any chance know who shot Sookie in the cemetery, would you?"

Four beats. Five beats. Five and half...

_Too long_.

Holy shit.

"What exactly are you suggesting, Eric?" Bill asked.

"It _is_ a bit puzzling, don't you think? The only people with guns that night were your guards".

I wasn't even sure why I was surprised.

"Whatever you think, _I_ would _never _risk Sookie's well-being for my selfish reasons".

"An honourable declaration. Yet miserably untrue"**.**

"How dare you-!"

"Bearing in mind", Eric continued, "this wouldn't be exactly the first time you lied to her. Forgive me for not being fully won over, _Your Majesty"_

Pit-pat. Pit-pat. Seven full heart-beats.

"My past is exactly what it is: my past. I've made mistakes where Sookie is concerned, but I would never put her in danger intentionally".

"So you say".

"What is it really about, Eric? I don't have time for your ridiculous mind games, and I do not appreciate your tone. I am still your king, and its best you try to remember that".

"You never answered my first question".

_Pit-a-pat_.

"Stop this nonsense! I am King of this state. If I wanted you finally dead then it would be done already. I have no need to elaborately plot your death. If memory serves, I spared your life once. I had you on your knees before me; stake in hand, legal death warrant in check. Still valid, may I add."

...I hold my breath. There was no heartbeat this time, because my heart stopped.

"If I really wanted you gone, Eric, then why would I let you go so you could return to Sookie?"

...a flash of memory – Eric's face last night, when I spoke Bill's name...

"Because when your fury and jealousy subsided, you were able to see how I was and realised how much she would hate you if she found out", Eric continued in his cool, seemingly emotionless manner. "Deep down you know Sookie would never forgive you no matter how much of your blood you force into her. So, you were smarter. You did the next best thing and let me go. You decided to be the good vampire, the noble one who does the 'love and let go' thing. She wasn't there so she didn't know. She was only aware of the fact you imprisoned me, not that you attempted to end me out of petty jealousy and she was never supposed to find out. But you never believed I would stick around after my memory came back, did you? You expected I would leave her broken and shattered so you could swoon in and pick up the pieces I left. Correct me if I'm wrong: are you going to tell her the truth about that night? Or was that your plan from the very beginning?"

There it was again: the silence.

I shut my eyes tightly already knowing nothing Bill would say could make me feel better now.

"You have no proof. I don't need to defend myself from your accusations. Now go do your job, sheriff" Bill commanded.

_Lovable, isn't he? _

"Out of curiosity, how were you going to explain the fact that the gun meant for me was loaded with the wooden bullets, and the one for you was not?" Eric pushed again.

Another pregnant pause.

"It was an accident".

_Smooth, Bill, really smooth._

What I heard next surprised me. Eric laughed: honest-to-God, deep, belly laugh.

"Let us hope**, **otherwise it would look like you were trying to assassinate me**. **Do you think she'll believe you this time?"

"Of course she would! Sookie has faith in me. She believeswhat I tell her!"

_Oh no, he didn't._

He slipped. Or dropped the act. Did it really matter?

"You son of a bitch", said Eric eventually.

And with that he left.

"You'll never be her first choice!" Bill called after him.

I felt a tear slowly making its way through my closed eyes. I refused to sob aloud.

_What have I done?_

I kept my eyes closed for a long time and only opened them when I heard Jason getting in the car. The vampires where long gone. I quickly brushed my tears.

"You ready, sis?" Jason asked.

I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded and hurriedly averted my eyes. My head was pounding.

"Take me home" I whispered when I found the ability to speak again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it took so long! I'm mostly to blame for than, but FanFiction's craziness lately didn't help either.**

**Again, thanks for everyone who reviewed/alerted/favourited this story. If I didn't answer all of you, it's because I figured you'd rather have it updated faster.**

**Beta'd by cokecrazy.  
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><p>The funny thing about realisations is that when you finally come to one of them, you have a hard time understanding how could you possibly not see things for what they are before.<p>

Also, they tend to create chain reactions.

I wouldn't be able to explain the reasons my mind missed all the signs of why I should have been more careful where Bill was concerned, because even I wasn't so blind. There _were_ the signs.

Looking back now, I can see clearly with a cool head and what I saw made my skin crawl.

I've been mulling it in my head the whole day and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to kick myself. It wasn't even the fact I thought Bill lied when he claimed to love me. There was a part of me that knew he really does. No, it was the way he went about proving that it that was disturbing.

Bill presented the image of a classic southern gentleman; well-mannered, a bit romantic, considerate – even if tormented and trapped in his vampire form. I used to think there was something heroic in his struggle to remain close to his humanity. He seemed perfect. On paper.

Was I in love with the idea of being with this man? Was I just ashamed of admitting to myself just _how much _I was wrong? How easily fooled?

He told me once I was his miracle. That loving me made him a better man. But I had some serious doubts that was the case.

His idea of showing me his love was to lock me up in a room and hide me from the world while feeding me pretty lies, and when that didn't work, cover it with more lies. While it was true Eric wasn't entirely innocent from with-holding things from me, I realised it wasn't fair to accuse him of manipulating me any more than accusing Bill. There was also a curious thing about Eric's lies, although I'm not even sure if that was the right word to call what he was doing. When I thought about it hard, I realized that Eric's stunts always painted an ugly picture of himself at the end of the day. With Bill, it was quite the opposite; his lies were designed to make him look better. Then, when I started peeling these layers off, the direction of my discoveries wasn't favourable to Bill.

The biggest lie Eric ever told me, I realised with a pang, was probably when he hissed I meant nothing to him.

I should probably go to Bill in the evening and confront him about what I heard, but after what I found, I didn't want to see him just yet. Scratch that. I didn't want to look at him.

I imagined what would have happened if Bill's plan had worked. Me crying after the loss of Eric's love or grieving his death, safely tucked in Bill's 'comforting' arms, the look of a fake compassion on his face. I felt slightly nauseous and more than angry at myself for being so stupid for so long.

I was shocked yesterday, when I learned Bill tried to kill Eric, but should I really be? I knew he failed to do this after Russel's demise. Not only that, he announced to me that night that he planned on killing Pam and his queen too. He killed my uncle Barlett when I told him my dark secret. The Rattrays.

It was just the way he was dealing with problems.

But him attempting to stake the innocent, vulnerable, amnesiac version of Eric told me something new about Bill: he didn't want him gone because he believed Eric was a threat to me, not really. He did it because Eric was in his way.

I failed to see how acting like this made Bill a better man.

Hell, I wasn't even sure if I liked the person _I_ was with him that much.

Was it a pattern? How could I know he wouldn't do this again? Was he going to kill everyone who became too close to me for his liking? What was he going to do next? Kill Alcide? Sam?

A cold shiver ran down my back. Something that Alcide said this morning echoed in my mind: some people don't change.

Bill wasn't going to change. I needed to accept it. He wasn't _trying_ to change his ways.

His love might be genuine, but it was suffocating. Toxic. I didn't question if what we had was real, but I wasn't so sure any more if it was good.

Good or not, it was over and I shouldn't even entertain the thought of reconciling with him. Truth to be told, as much as the break-up pained me (which was probably natural, considering the fact in my mind it all happened only few days ago), I didn't really want to be with him this way again, not after everything. I knew I wouldn't be able to fully trust him. Then why did I suddenly decided to bring this up again while talking with Eric?

The answer I came up with was not a pleasant one. Not. At. All.

I knew I needed to talk to him, but at this point I was afraid to even think of Eric. I wasn't sure what could I possibly tell him.

I was scared. I was confused. Probably bipolar as a result of ingesting too much vampire blood.

None of this was an excuse enough to stab Eric in his back like I had.

Deep down I was terrified, that he wouldn't even _want _to talk. I wouldn't blame him.

Than is, until Tara's revelations about Marnie being back forced me to face the possibility I'd never have a chance to find out any of this and that horrible statement I made during the conversation in Bill's mansion would be the last words I'd ever said to Eric Northman.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello my dear readers! Thank you for all your support for this story! I read every review and they are great motivation for me.**

**Some of you asked if Bill and Eric knew that Sookie was listening to their conversation. The ironic thing is, the only reason why she was able to hear what they were saying was because of the amount of vampire blood she'd absorbed lately (remember that scene in season 1 when Sookie was looking for rotten food and found a crumb, after drinking Bill's for the first time? Imagine something similar is happening to all her senses). Normally, she wouldn't be able to do that (not from such distance). So, I think Bill forgot about that and wasn't aware he was digging own grave. As for Eric, I'd leave the answer to your imagination.**

**Huge thanks for my Beta, cokecrazy!**

**I own very few things and True Blood is not one of them.**

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><p>Everything after that was a little hazy, but I think I jumped out of the car before it even stopped moving. And I'm almost sure I didn't bother with closing the door after that.<p>

As I moved away from the car, I stepped on something that looked disturbingly like a body part and stopped dead in my tracks at the sight that greeted me in front of Bill's mansion.

Both of them. Tied together with silver to some kind of poll standing high on a pile of wood. And they were looking at me.

_A stake_, I realised. _A funeral pyre._

It was like a bad dream. What was the probability something like that would happen to me _twice_?

Considering my track record, I'd say – pretty big.

In a matter of days I've found myself yet again in a situation where Bill and Eric's lives were in grave danger. It looked awfully as if the universe was trying to tell me something. As far as I was concerned, the universe would do good minding it's own damn business and shutting the fuck up.

Only then I noticed another figure, Lafayette – or rather Marnie in his body, ready to set the pyre to flame. I froze in horror when I realised what she was about to do. She wanted to kill them right here and now; burn them – like Anthonia was burned centuries ago. In Marnie's mind it was probably some kind of poetic justice.

A fleeting thought crossed my mind – was it similar to the way pagan warriors burned bodies of their heroes? Was it how Eric was supposed to end, if Godric hadn't found him a thousand years ago? I shivered at the unsettling thought but thankfully, it was enough to rouse me from my shocked state.

My whole being screamed in violent protest against the scene before me. My legs began working again on pure instinct as I ran straight to the pyre, faster than ever before in my life - and I almost made it.

I was there, on the ground at the foot of the pile and just as quickly, started climbing it. I could feel the energy waking in my veins and coursing to my fingertips, almost ready to strike. I raised my head and met Eric's eyes – blazing with some unknown emotion; deep, stormy and unreadable. My mind turned into a panicked mix of 'I'm sorry's' and pleads. I was within arm's length reach from him when I stretched my already glowing hands to touch the thick chain that was placed across his chest, remembering how I'd once broken the handcuffs binding Eric to Russel. For a split of second I felt the cold metal surface against my fingers and then... -

...I went flying backwards, pushed by invisible force back to the ground. My fall was painful but the only feeling I could concentrate on was the unwelcome heat that hit my face at the same moment; the rising heat. One glance confirmed my horrible suspicion – Marnie set the fire, and it was growing fast. Only seconds away from licking trapped vampires.

"No!" I shrieked jumping to my feet. "NO! Stop it! Stop it right now!"

Not that it would make any difference, because I was sure she had no intention of listening to me, but I was close to hysterical. Marnie turned to me and pulled Laffayette's face into a disgusted and hateful grimace and said, "They are evil. They deserve to die. The fire that purifies will free the world from these filthy creatures!"

She was crazy. In the back of my mind I registered that I wasn't alone any more. Tara was trying to reason with Marnie, distracting her while Holly was up to something, but I was too disturbed by my fear to really pay attention to any of that. I watched the violent flames climb higher and higher, swallowing both Bill and Eric until I couldn't take it anymore.

My hands were still glowing when I pointed them at Marnie. She was in Lafayette's body and that was the only thing stopping me from acting until now, but I had to do something. I couldn't just let her kill them in such a cruel way without at least trying to stop her. I only hoped my fairy powers could recognise friend from foe and wouldn't do any permanent damage.

The light exploded from my hands and hit her hard, knocking her out. I breathed a sigh of relief, but it was short-lived. The fire wasn't dying. Quite the opposite actually. I looked around me, desperate for anything that could stop the fire, but my mind chose that moment to shut down. I was just standing there, paralysed and utterly useless, with not a clue of how to help.

I remember chanting. Someone's hands holding mine, but I had no part in doing it; simply letting others take over. There was magic, this strange current flowing in the air. I faintly recall ghostly figures appearing in the cemetery and I think at some point I even saw my gran among them. I wanted to ask her for help, but I was too numb to find my voice.

And then the fire reached my vampires.

The scream. The _smell_. The air was vibrating, not from magic this time, but from heat.

Lafayette's body began moving, waking up I assume.

But was it him? Was it her?

"It's not working", I whispered.

We were too late. I screwed up. I'll never get the chance to make it right.

"IT'S NOT HELPING!" I yelled desperately.

They were dying and it felt like it was all my fault. God, _please_...

.

Apparently, God is a telepath too, because just like that something happened, although if I had to guess, I would have never envisioned me getting help this way.

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><p><strong>I probably should warn you, that the next part of this story is going to be more AU.<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! Remember me? Yeah, I know, I suck. What can I say? Probably nothing to make it better, so I just shut up and give you new chapter.**

**Thanks for my Beta, cokecrazy.**

**Disclaimer: not mine. If it was, things would be different.  
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><p>She's here when I open my eyes, directly in front of me. I've never seen her before but as I look at her, I instinctively know who this spirit is.<p>

"Let me in", she says to me.

At first I don't know what she means, my panicked mind frozen, but then understanding and horror starts creeping in.

"No!", I yell at her.

"There is no time. Let me in. Now!"

"I'm not insane!" - said a girl talking to a ghost.

Frankly, at this point I don't care what anybody thinks about me. I'm not even aware if anyone notices.

"I can stop it", she whispers to me.

And, because I am desperate, that catches my attention.

"You just need to trust me."

"Why would I trust _you_?", I ask.

"So I can stop her!"

"I don't believe you! You're the reason for all this!"

There is something sad in her eyes.

"I was wrong", she says passionately. "Marnie has taken things too far. I want it to end now. No more blood."

A not-so-distant cry interrupts my train of thoughts and raises my panic. My resolve is faltering. I was grasping at straws.

"I can't trust you!" this time it comes out regretfully.

"You have to."

Her eyes flicker to the burning stake and my own follow hers. My breath hitches at what I see, in a crying fashion.

"I can wait", she surprises me. "He can't."

She _is _a bitch, ok. A bitch who knows exactly what to do to make me agree.

She doesn't say who she means. I don't ask.

I have no time for weighting my options carefully. So I make a split-second decision. After all, I don't have much left to loose. I look her straight in the eye.

"Antonia" I say, feeling a twisted sense of deja vu, "would you please come in?"

And then, everything goes black.  
>***<p>

Sookie! _Sookie!  
><em>***

"..she's..."

"...no need for this!"

...so heavy...

Something was wrong. I remember voices: talking. Arguing. Something was about to happen, but I wasn't sure what. I didn't want it. But I was too weak to ask. I couldn't speak. I couldn't move. I couldn't open my eyes.

I was laying on something hard – floor, maybe? Or ground.

And then, there was someone's touch. Someone lifted my head and opened my mouth.

The taste.

I knew exactly what it was.

Cool. Salty. Acidic. _Wrong._

It burned my throat and I tried not to swallow, but it was impossible. I felt it spreading trough my body, every cell screaming in protest, but my lips remained silent.

_No_ – I tried. - _Don't!_

I felt the pain raising, acid coursing in my veins, filling my lungs -

...God...

...can't breath!

_Stop!_

"Drink, Sookie!"

A familiar voice. Urgent. Concerned.

_No, no, no, you don't understand...!_

Shaking. My hole body is shaking. Violently. Spasming, even.

_Blood. _Blood in my lungs. No more, no more! Stop it! I'm drowning!

"Stop it!"

_Yes, please! Listen to him!_

"...killing her..."

_Killing who?_

...I knew this voice - another one. This one was... always?... roughly smooth...

like...

"...raw silk" I mumbled, and this time my lips seemed to move.

"Sookie?"

_Eric?_

...such a beautiful contradiction...

There was something I needed to tell him. Wanted to tell him. Something important. I knew it, but what was it?

_Eric._

"Shhh..."

Maybe I did speak after all?

Someone's arms, lifting me. Cradling. It felt good. Safe. So I let go.  
>***<p>

I woke up in my bedroom to sunlight streaming trough my window and Lafayette's tired face.

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><p><strong>I have nothing against Adele Stackhause, but I'm not impressed with her part in Marnie's defeat. Maybe it's personal, but it didn't convince me.<strong>

**Thank you for all your support.**


	6. Chapter 6

**I know everybody is focused on season 5 right now, but for these of us who still can't get over the disaster of the season 4 final, I have a new chapter.**

**Remember I'm changing things, so there was no Debbie-Tara drama in this story!**

**Huge thanks for my beta, cokecrazy!**

**I own a dog. Two cats. A couple of books. No True Blood.**

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><p>"What happened?", I crocked.<p>

"Baby girl, I ain't exactly the best one to tell ya."

I suppose, between me being possessed by Antonia and him by Marnie, we really were quite a pair.

He passed me a glass of water, which I downed gratefully. Surprisingly enough, I felt physically great, but I was thirsty and my skin was sticky, as if cowered in dried sweat.

"You blacked out", he offered.

No shit.

"Is she -", I stopped mid question, when it hit me.

All I could do was sit there gaping and staring at confused Lafayette with terrified eyes, frozen with panic, as a sudden thought – the one, that should have been my first thought after waking up – exploded in my mind.

Oh God.

"Sook?"

"Laf", I choked. "Are they... did she... what..."

But I couldn't get it out.

I closed my eyes in futile attempt to calm down, when all I could see under my shut lids was an image of the burning stake.

It was morning. _Hours_ later. What happened after I passed out?

"Did Antonia stop Marnie?" I finally managed in a strained voice.

"Yes."

I breathed long sigh of relief. Suddenly I felt like crying.

"Is Marnie still a threat?" I asked after a pause.

"Not sure, but don't think so. Looks like Antonia kicked her looney ass outta the land of the living. Can you tell if she's still floatin' round here somewhere?"

I closed my eyes again and concentrated searching with my mind around and inside me. I couldn't feel anything strange, but was it enough to know she was really gone? Was she still somewhere there, hidden and waiting? But I sensed nothing unusual, just old me. If she was there, I couldn't detect her presence. Eventually I shook my head.

"I don't think so."

Lafayette tossed his arms in the air looking relieved.

"Ding-dong, that crazy bitch _finally _gone!"

I actually cracked a smile.

"Amen."

"Hooka, let me tell ya, I ain't build for all this supernatural shit happenin round here lately!"

I sobered quickly when I saw the sadness written all over his face.

"Lafayette, what happened here last night? How did I get home, not to mention to my bed?"

"Looks like Antonia went a bit overboard when she took over you and used all her hocus-pocus. From what I know, pretty girl, were out like a light for the rest of the night."

"There is more, isn't it?"

"Sure there is", he nodded. "Tara tried to wake ya, but to no luck. Them vamps started comin aroud an' got all worked up over you layin' there pale and quiet on the ground."

Vamps. Plural.

At least they were well enough to worry about me.

"They tried to give ya blood, but you didn't take it so well".

Laf had already woken up by that time, so I was able to watch the flashes of the story trough his eyes. It really looked ugly. Vampires, burned and bloody, and me, involuntarily tossing on the ground. I remembered the shaking, choking and the burning.

It was Bill ('that mother-fucka') who insisted on feeding me vampire blood, I could see it plain as a day. I was shaking so violently, that they needed to hold me down. When Bill stopped giving me blood, or rather was stopped by a very pissed off 'hot, tall, blond and scary' vampire, my spasms eventually subsided to shivering, but it didn't stop. Eric then took me home and called doctor Ludwig, because I was still unconscious and running on high fever. I hazily recalled him carrying me.

What Lafayette told me next shocked me. Apparently, doctor Ludwig's diagnosis was that I was allergic to Bill's blood. Words 'anafilactic shock' flashed in Laf's mind.

"But I had Bill's blood before and nothing happened!" I exclaimed confused.

"Well..."

Lafayette hesitated.

"Spill it out Laf!" I huffed out.

"That ain't exactly true."

"What? Explain!" I took a second there to worry about where the hell _that _came from.

Confronted, Bill admitted my body initially rejected his blood the last time he'd given it to me, too. Accordingly to the impish doctor the allergy developed gradually, after regular exposure to big doses of Bill's blood.

"How'd they fix it Laf?" I asked, because I certainly no longer felt like dying.

There was a strange look at Lafayette's face before he answered me.

"Another vamp's blood."

I'm sure I was catching flies at that point. Until the implications of what was required and who was present caught up with me. Somehow, I knew who offered to donate without Lafayette's input.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me?", I squealed out. "It's like I can't catch a break with these two!"

I didn't even want to imagine how smug Eric must have been.

That was pretty much the end of story. Marnie was gone, the massacre stopped and I was still breathing. After doctor Ludwig's departure Bill reluctantly left, having no excuse to stay and a royal mess to clean up. If I wasn't mistaken, apart from the dead guards, he needed to assign almost all new sheriffs aside from Eric. Speaking of which, Eric ordered Lafayette to stay in my home and take care of me in the morning, when he realized I wasn't going to wake before dawn – not that he needed to give that particular order to Laf, he would have done that anyway.

"Well, at least we all made it out in one piece this time", I said, but Lafayette didn't return my smile.

Oh hell.

"Lafayette? What's wrong?"

But I knew before he answered and immediately regretted my poorly chosen comment.

"Jesus is dead"

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"

My insides turned when I discovered how he died. If hell existed and Marnie was in there, I didn't pity her one bit. I tried to do what I could to comfort Lafayette, even if there wasn't really much to say or do and he kept blaming himself. After assuring him I was fine (big understatement – I was pumped up with thousand years old vampire blood) I made us late breakfast with fresh coffee and let him go to take a nap. He was running on entirely differently chemical substations than me and numb with grief.

I didn't, however, miss the quick flicker of his eyes, when they darted for a split of second toward the certain wardrobe's door on his way from my room. My heartbeat sped up as I understood the meaning behind that glance – there was a vampire resting underneath my house.

It took me cooking and eating my meal, tucking up Laf, taking a shower and changing my clothes before I mustered courage to cautiously open the doors to the cubby. I'd checked on Lafayette's mind to make sure he was asleep before I stepped down the ladder. I tried to move as quietly as possible, not to wake resting vampire. I didn't want to disturb him, but I had to see him.

My movement activated automatic lights and I closed my eyes for few seconds, blinded by the brightness. When I opened them again, my breath caught.

There he was, dead to the world, but as magnificent as always. Laying on his back, eyes closed, silent and unmoving. He didn't stir as I came closer, hungrily drinking him in. His hair messy and soft, unstyled; his head turned to the side on the pillow. He was shirtless and barefoot, dressed only in the same shorts he's been using while staying with me – his cloths from last night destroyed in the fire, he probably just picked up the first thing he found.

He looked peaceful.

He looked as if he'd never left.

My eyes traveled anxiously along his legs and arms, chest and face, searching for any signs left from the last night's ordeal. I needed to make sure he was really all right.

God, he was beautiful.

I carefully took few steps and sat on the edge of the bed. His skin was smooth and white, unblemished. He was healed.

Only then I allowed myself to feel completely relieved. It was overwhelming.

I reached with my hand to his head, lightly smoothing back his hair. My arm was shaking. He still didn't move or open his eyes. I wanted to trace his hole body with my fingertips and kiss every inch of it.

My hearth clenched painfully. As much as I wanted to believe in happy ending, I knew I still wasn't out of the woods were Eric was concerned. I had no longer doubts that my feelings for him hadn't change when he got back his memory. If last night proved me anything, it was definitely that I cared for him deeply. The thought of him dying or even being hurt was unbearable.

But it still didn't mean things between us would work out. Out of our bubble, reality was not rosy. Let's face it, he was a millennium old vampire sheriff and I was twenty-something, mostly human, not educated, small-town waitress. What were the odds it would work?

I wasn't even sure if he still wanted to try. Yes, he gave me his blood (possibly saving my life) and he risked his own at MoonGoddes, but he hasn't talked to me since that night in Bill's mansion. I'd known it even before, but only now that Eric's blood was fighting Bill's in my system, dulling each others influence, I realized with full clarity how horribly I hurt him when I tarnished his confession of love.

Stupid, stupid Sookie.

What would I give to hear it now. Because, no matter if I thought we stood a chance together, or not, the bottom line was, I loved him. It was simple, undeniable and scary as hell.

I knew we needed to talk and the least I could do was giving him the courtesy of speaking for himself instead of making any damning decisions for both of us and running away (not that I was really still looking forward to running away, because after yesterday I was so scared of loosing him, that, God help me, if it hadn't been painful to him, I would have probably considered using silver chains – still laying nearly – on him). But right now I couldn't bring myself to leave the cubby just yet, despite the fact he was still sleeping.

So, for now, I curled next to him on the bed and covered us both. I snuggled gently against his side, inhaling his scent, and put my arm over his waist. After a few minutes of me not moving the lights turned off. I was lying there in silence and darkness, simply soaking in the feeling of being close to him. Trying to memorize it in case it's the last time I'd get to do this.

I didn't plan it, but I fell asleep.

When I woke up, it was past sunset and he wasn't there.

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><p><strong>Please don't hate me.<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**So, this chapter was originally planned as a simple script of the phone conversation you'll find in the second part of it, but cokecrazy convinced me to add the part at the beginning, so it's her you should thank the chapter is longer! :) I hope you like how it turned out.**

**As always, thank you for all your reviews, also the anonymous ones!**

**Disclaimer: For some unknown, but clearly unjust reasons I don't own True Blood.**

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><p><em>I didn't plan it, but I fell asleep.<em>

_When I woke up, it was past sunset and he wasn't there._

I sat there for a minute wondering how the hell did he sneak out of the cubby without waking me. He had some serious ninja skills, I'll give him that.

At first I thought that maybe he was just upstairs, but he didn't answer when I called his name, and a quick mental scan confirmed there was no vampire minds in the house.

I was confused. Obviously, he didn't want to wake me. Don't get me wrong, I didn't expect him to fall to his knees and beg me for another chance or anything remotely close to that after the bullshit I pulled on him, but with the way he took care of me last night I also knew he was at least still concerned about my well being. I thought that maybe, I don't know, he'd be concerned enough to ask me if I'm ok? Knowing that he just woke up and left me down there alone had me feeling pretty awful.

A sudden thought hit me: is this how he felt the night we talked? I tried to imagine how it all looked like in his eyes.

I slept with him. Shared things with him that I didn't with just anyone. I asked him not to leave me when he offered to do just that after Tara's angry tirade. I assured him I didn't believe him evil and told him that I cared for him. I pretty much told him I loved him the night I was putting silver on him. I said I couldn't loose him. And then, the second he told me it was not over, I pushed him away. I saw a glimpse of the most treasured, beautiful and purest, usually well hidden part of him. And what did I do? I took it all.

I took it selfishly, because I liked what I saw and I wanted it. I took it, fully convinced that whatever we had, was going to end the minute he got his memories back. I took it, and I completely ignored how it would affect him in the end. I took advantage of him when he couldn't defend himself.

Actually, thinking about it in it's simplest form, I led him on, knowing that it wasn't going to end well.

To my defence, I've never seen it coming. I wasn't like I had some kind of cruel plan to toy with his feelings. I was genuinely confused at the time.

For a moment I thought, that maybe he was trying to teach me a lesson. But I knew better. This, for once, was not a game for him. He was hurt, deeply, and I was the one to blame for it.

I suppose it was only fair that I wasn't feeling so peachy at the moment. But even as much as I deserve it, I have to ask myself, is justice really what Eric needs from me right now? Perhaps it would be fair if I had my wish and was left here alone and miserable, but would it make Eric happy? It wasn't about what I deserved, but what he did. Which was why I could't just leave things between us so broken. I needed to talk to him.

Only, I had no idea where he went. I realised I couldn't call him because I didn't even have his phone number. I figured if I was going to have to hunt Eric down, the first place to start would be Fangtasia.

I climbed out of the cubby and headed straight for the phone in the kitchen and dialled Fangtasia's number.

"Fangtasia, what do you want?" hissed a very annoyed Pam.

Someone's night sucked as much as mine.

"Hi, Pam."

Silence.

"It's me."

More silence.

"Sookie", I clarified.

"Sookie. You're being polite tonight, I didn't recognize you", she droned sarcastically.

_Ouch_.

"Listen, is Eric there?" I asked.

"No."

More silence.

"Well, do you know where he is?", I asked patiently.

"Not here."

I sighed. It was like pulling teeth. "Pam, I know you're angry with me right now bu-"

"That is one hell of an understatement. If you want to leave a message for Eric then spit it out and I'll pass it along when I see him. Otherwise, I have a business to run."

I had enough. I was stressed and anxious to find Eric.

Yes, I deserved some bashing, but not from her. And not for the reasons she was annoyed with me.

"Hey, I'm not the one who told Bill where to find Eric when he wanted to stake him", I snarked back. It was a low blow, but the lack of a witty comeback told me I hit home.

I took a deep breath.

"Sorry, that was mean. What I'm trying to say is we all make mistakes, Pam. And I'm trying to fix one of mine right now", I said. "I really need to talk to Eric. I know you might not believe me, but I just wish to make things better. I own him that much".

Hello awkward silence, haven't heard from you in a while.

"He didn't tell me", she finally answer.

_Huh?_

"Huh?", I repeated aloud, because it seemed to be suitable response.

"He didn't tell me where he was. I haven't seen him since yesterday."

_Oh._

"For all I know he's still in Bon Temps."

Well, he wasn't in my home. Maybe he was at Bill's? That would make sense.

"Ok, thanks."

"Whatever", she sighed.

"Hey, Pam?", I called before she disconnected, "Thank you."

"You already said that."

"No, I mean... For stepping in when they tried to sacrifice themselves."

She scoffed.

"Funny, that's the reason why he's mad at me. Apparently, I was _unnecessarily risking your life_."

No wonder she wasn't friendly.

"If it makes you feel better, it's also the reason why he's still alive. Undead. You know what I mean. So, for what it is worth, I'm grateful."

"Wait a second, princess. Why are you so sure he would be dead?", she asked suspiciously.

Double "oh". Topped with a "shit".

Oh-oh, shit.

She didn't know.

"Uhh, well, when you shoot somebody -"

"Oh no, you don't, you little fairy brat. I know where you live. Spit it out."

After a moment of hesitation I told her:

"Bill's gun was loaded with wooden bullets."

There was no sound on the other end of the line other that the distinct click of fangs being drawn.

Not good.

"Um, Pam? I suspect killing one's monarch is frowned upon", I stated, matter of factly. "Probably even punishable."

"Don't worry about me, sweetheart. I'll figure something out", she said, and I was pretty sure I could hear the smile on her face through the phone.

I realized that this probably means Bill was going to get hurt at least a little bit in the near future. I could run over to his place after I hung up and warn him about Pam, but really, it wasn't like he didn't have it coming, and I had more important things to do at the moment, like hunting Eric down so we could talk. And maybe mention I planted an evil seed of a plan in Pam's twisted head. With that in mind:

"I have no idea what you're talking about", I told her.

"Good girl", why did it sound like she was praising a dog?

Now I really, really needed to talk to Eric for more reasons than one.

"Bye, Pam."

She didn't bother to acknowledge my goodbye before ending the call.

I rubbed my temples. I could wait and see if Eric comes back, or check at Bill's. On second thought, I had quite few personal things of my own to discuss with the king of Louisiana.

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><p><strong>I know some of you probably think it's not a good idea for Sookie to confront Bill right now, but the girl is stubborn.<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello, my dear readers! I hope you're still with me.**

**I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again, but I promise I will!**

**Disclaimer: This particular twist of plot is MINE. True Blood, however, is not.**

**Beta'd by cokecrazy.  
><strong>

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><p>"We need to talk."<p>

I know, I know, such a lovely opening.

Bill lifted his eyes and looked at me. For some reason he invited me to his living room rather than his office. He asked me to sit with him on the lounge, but I declined. It would make me feel like it was some kind of therapy session, only I wasn't sure which one of us was the shrink. That and I wanted to keep things short.

I studied his face closely. This was the man I once thought I could spent my life with. The man who made me open my heart and who helped me to know my body. My first lover and my first love.

This was also the man who arranged for me to be beaten half to death after the first time he met me so he could play a hero and feed me his blood. Who thought it perfectly right to ask me to marry him while he was procuring me for his queen. And who I was, ironically enough, literally allergic to.

He needed a new haircut. Badly. But I wasn't about to tell his that. That's what you keep Pam around for.

"Of course, sweetheart", he smiled politely. "Anything you wish."

"First of all, why didn't you tell me I rejected your blood?", I had no patience for courtesies right now.

"I didn't know what happened at the time. You didn't get sick, it simply looked like it had no effect on your body. You wouldn't heal and I was worried something was wrong, but fortunately, it passed. Besides, there was no time for musings. We were in the middle of the battle."

Fair enough. It was weird his blood didn't work, but I wouldn't have come up with the allergy theory either.

That was an easy one. I don't think he was prepared for my next question.

"Did you intend to execute Eric while he was cursed?"

I knew he did. I heard him talking about it to Eric, but he wasn't aware of it. I just needed to know what he would tell me himself.

"That was the order I received from the Authority. But, as you know, I didn't do this."

He looked proud of himself, as if he did something honourable.

That was the moment I got really mad. The worst part was that I knew if I hadn't overheard Bill's and Eric's conversation the other night and if I hadn't been over analyzing all of Bill's behaviour recently, then I would have, without a doubt, believe every word Bill was telling me now while also thinking of him as the hero that spared Eric's life. But that wasn't the case. I had heard them. And it gave me some food for thought.

"And who informed the Authority about Eric's condition?", I asked frostily.

Bill clearly didn't expect me to ask more questions.

"It is my duty as a king to inform the Authority about any existing threats against my kingdom and vampires under my protection."

Wow, he gave me quasi-straight answer! Maybe I should give Eric a T-shit reading "the official threat against the state of Louisiana"?

"Just as you are supposed to be a good mainstreaming vampire who drinks only true blood?"

What can I say? I was pissed.

"Are you jealous?", he asked, a little hopefully.

"Why would I be?", I dead-panned. "In case you didn't notice, I'm not your girlfriend anymore."

But he still looked smug, as if he thought I was bluffing. I sighed. I was done with questioning. Sure, there were a lot more questions I could have ask, but I suddenly felt very tired. I didn't even care what his excuses were. I knew enough. But he needed to hear one more thing from me.

"Bill, let's get one thing straight", I started. "I've been thinking a lot about my life over last few days. And I already told you this, but I'm telling you this again, so you know it's not some in-the-heat-of-the-moment decision. You and me? We're over. For good. I need you to accept this."

There, I said it. If I was really lucky, there was a chance it got through this time.

I admit it was partially my own fault, that Bill had such a hard time accepting that I wouldn't change my mind again. It wasn't as if there were not times when I'd broken up with him only to greet him with a teary _I love you_ and take him straight to my bed in the past. I cringed remembering what happened after he attacked me in the van. What the hell was wrong with me?

There was a good minute of silence. I let my words sink. I hoped they would make an effect, but I couldn't tell if that was the case.

"Sookie", he said at last, his face taking the sourfully-patient expression "You are the love of my life. I love you and I will always love you. But above anything, I want you to be happy. If Eric is what makes you happy, then I give you my blessing."

I lifted my eyebrows ignoring the urge to ask a puzzling question when did he become my father and how did he come up with this line?

The more alarming matter was that I didn't want Bill to automatically connect the failure of our relationship to Eric's name. I wanted Eric, yes, but he wasn't the reason why things between me and Bill didn't and would never work out. I didn't like the thought of Bill being convinced that if Eric was removed from equation, we would be just fine.

Why was he so quick to give up? Was he really letting me go, or was he just bidding his time while trying to preserve the "noble martyr" image of himself he was so fond of?

"It's not just Eric", I said cautiously. "There is just too much hurt..."

Something flashed in Bill's eyes and my heartbeat sped wildly in alarm, so I added quickly:

"I will never forget what we had," that was certainly true. I planned on learning something from it. "But it's over."

I took a step back. I didn't want to hear anything more. It was not important. Eric wasn't here. I needed to find him.

"Do you think we can still be friends?", Bill asked, seemingly calm.

I was suddenly very aware that I was all alone in Bill's mansion and I didn't know what his game was. I needed to thread carefully. I had no idea what he could probably try to do to change my mind, since we both knew now that giving me more of his blood wasn't an option anymore, so I simply hoped I could get out of there before he would come up with a new plan.

I flashed him my nervous smile.

"Maybe some day", I answered cowardly, but my self preservation was kicking in, and for the first time in a long time I was going to listen to it.

Right now I didn't trust Bill one bit. Which was only one more reason why I shouldn't have ever kid myself that we could probably fix things between us.

"Goodbye Bill."

If he said anything after that, I don't remember it, because I was too anxious at this point to really register it. I know I somehow managed to leave the room and that I had to force myself not to run when I was walking out of the palace.

Finally the cool night air hit me and I took a deeper breath.

I made it without interruption out of the line of guards (now nearly non-existent – Marnie probably killed everyone on watch the other night) and Bill's property. I slowed down and let myself relax when I reached the border of the graveyard. I felt safe here.

That's where I at last found who I've been looking for. Or rather he found me.

"Speaking with Bill?", he asked stepping out of the shadows.

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><p><strong>So... about the line form the show where Bill tells Sookie he wishes her happy even if it's not with him – do you know where it came from? Because I think I do! ;) Let me know if I'm correct, but I think amnesia Eric said something very similar in his "last words" before Bill changed his mind about executing him. Of course the difference is that Eric didn't tell it for Sookie's benefit, because she was not there. Bill, you little thief... Shame on you!<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**My sincerest apologies it took even longer than usual. This story is almost done anyway.**

**Thank you all for reading, and double thanks for reviewing!**

**Beta'd by cokecrazy**

**Disclaimer: I don't take any responsibility for the official version of True Blood.**

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><p>I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying "Actually, I've been looking for you" or something along the lines. Not that it wouldn't be true – it was – but I didn't want to risk making impression that I tried to deny going to Bill. Denial is never good way to prove you're not guilty.<p>

"There were few answers I needed to hear and a couple of things I needed to make clear", I said instead, as calmly as I could.

I took a moment to study his moonlit face. He looked even paler than normal, which paired with the deceptively emotionless mask in which he composed his features, made him seem like a white-stone statue. I thought it ironic that one of the most passionate men I knew was also the one with a well earned cold-hearted reputation. Eric Northman was a complicated creature. Only recently was I beginning to realize how true my subconscious assessment of him was, when I'd dreamed of him for the first time in Dallas.

Because, really, what do you make of a guy who claims not to understand the meaning of word 'love', but is ready to sacrifice his life for his loved ones without a second thought? Who openly laughs at humans and their sentiments, but is determined to fulfill a promise made to a man dead for millennium, fuelled with burning hate for the one who took his human family away from him? Who makes sure to be known as devoid of the last shred of feelings, but is not in the least ashamed to spill bloody tears of grief? A man who holds no regard for the idea of wedding vows, but who was the very one who asked me to spend forever with him?

And yet, when I'd come to know him, it all somehow made sense. No longer did I think Eric was faking any of it. It was just the way he was – hot or cold, never lukewarm.

"I see", he said coolly, shaking me out of my thoughts. "And how did it go, may I ask?"

I needed few seconds to remember what we were talking about.

"As expected, I suppose" I shrugged.

It wasn't what I wanted to talk to Eric about.

"You seem to be feeling better", he stated, using again the same, casual tone I hated.

"I am, thank you."

His face was closed off, his eyes wary. My heart clenched. This was all my fault. I couldn't stand it for one more second.

"Eric", I blurted, taking a step closer.

He didn't move or change his impassive expression, but simply stood there waiting for me to make up my mind. And I was suddenly at loss of knowing how to end my sentence. Finally I took a deep breath and closed the distance between us, until I was directly in front of him. I caught his gaze wanting him to look at my eyes when I speak my piece, so he knew I was being sincere.

"I'm sorry", I said simply, barely above a whisper.

"For which part?", he asked harshly, without missing a beat.

I closed my eyes briefly, willing my threatening tears to go away.

"For freaking out on you."

"Is this what it was? A freak out?"

I nodded, momentarily unable to find my voice.

"Why?", he asked. The million dollar question.

He had every right to ask. I gulped. If only there was an easy way to explain how I felt that night. I didn't understand half of it myself.

"I was being stupid", I dodged, but of course it didn't satisfy him.

"Why?", he demanded again.

It was now or never. I knew how much depended on my answer.

"I was confused", I started. "And scared."

I paused expecting him to comment at this point, but he remained silent waiting for me to continue.

"You need to understand", I pleaded. "I know I've been gone for over a year, but for me it's been only few days since I disappeared."

"Does it make it easier to forgive him?", this time Eric interrupted and despite his efforts I detected a hint of well hidden hurt in his voice.

"No!", I protested quickly. "No... What I'm trying to say is... in my head, a week ago, I loved him."

Neither of us seemed to be eager to bring Bill's name into conversation.

"I loved him and you... I didn't trust you at the time, not really, and before... even more... less... I didn't know anything about witches, fairies, vampire monarchs... or even shifters for that matter... A little more than a month ago I didn't know you at all, nor Bill. I was a simple girl living with her grandmother, a small-town waitress, who never had any adventures and never dated. My biggest worry was if I got some decent tips at work. In a matter of weeks... My life changed so much... I didn't have time to stop and think, to process all of this."

I released a shaky breath. Eric didn't say anything through my whole outburst and I wasn't sure if he was planning on commenting. He just stared at me, his whole posture guarded, looking as if he was searching my eyes for something. Whatever it was, I prayed to God he'd find it.

I worked myself up to the point of rambling but it was too late to stop. I needed to say it all at once.

"And then...", I continued, even quieter than before, "then I came back to a reality where he was a king, and you owned my house – and I wanted to catch a break, I don't know, forget about what happened, what he did to me – I didn't want to see him, or you, or anybody, to be with anybody, just heal and rest... but then you where there and you needed help and I _had _to be around you, and you were... and... everything happened so fast... I couldn't help it, any of it. I didn't want to love you, but..."

I paused. I reached for him and tentatively placed my hand on his chest. He didn't acknowledge the gesture but didn't stop me either. I could feel how tense he was. The silence was deafening. I fought for regaining some control. What a mess.

He didn't seem to crave the contact the way I did, so I removed my hand and took a hesitant step back. In a split of second – but only then - his arm shot with inhuman speed and roughly pulled me back, flush against him. I gasped startled. His arm around my waist kept me firmly in place, telling me we're not finished and I'm not going anywhere until we are.

"There is more", he stated with confidence.

There was steel in his voice. I looked up at him, bracing myself for the last part of my story.

"I didn't believe you'd stay with me when the curse was broken", I confessed. "As I said, I didn't want to love you, but it happened anyway and I was terrified of what it meant. I thought I'd loose you in the end, so I wouldn't let myself hope differently. I couldn't stop thinking about you leaving when it was over. I _waited _for something bad to happen. I was so sure it was gonna end that when it didn't... I did it myself."

This was my dark secret. Something I knew didn't make any sense logically, but a whole lot more in my recently broken, fragile heart. This was the reason why I fought so hard against falling in love with Eric in the first place and why I freaked out later. I was so scared of him leaving me, that I ran first to avoid it. Bill's name was just a knee-jerk reaction, a plausible excuse, picked out of habit.

I lowered my eyes, no longer able to hold Eric's gaze.

"I didn't believe you'd love me", I whispered.

One of the tears I tried to stop made it's way down the side of my face. I waited holding my breath while seconds passed excruciatingly with no reaction from Eric.

This was it. I screwed up. I said something unforgivable and hurt him too much. Eric got his explanation, but it didn't make it right. It was over. I'd lost him. And it was all by my own doing.

I felt myself beginning to tremble. I had to let him go.

I climbed on the tips of my toes.

"I'm so sorry", I said against his lips, not meeting fully his eyes.

I kissed him lightly and he'd let me. I didn't want to think about it, but it was a goodbye. I turned my head. My throat burned and I was ready to cry.

But then I realised he wasn't letting me go. His arm was still around me, holding me tightly.

I looked at him, question in face. My heart quickened. There was something in his eyes that I didn't see moments ago.

A crack in the mask.

"Eric?", I asked breathlessly.

I followed his movement with my eyes when he lowered his head, until I felt his cool breath on my cheek. I didn't dare to move.

"Sookie Stackhause", he said straight into my ear, sending chills down my spine. "What made you take me for a quitter?"

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><p><strong><strong>See? They can talk!<strong>**


	10. Chapter 10

**Yes, You're not mistaken! It is a new chapter! Hard to believe, I know.**

**As always, thanks for by Beta, cokecrazy!**

**Disclaimer: If You're reading this site, I'm pretty sure You already know what 'fanfiction' means.**

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><p>I tilted my head back to take a better look. There was a hint of familiar smirk in one corner of his mouth. I remembered the times when I itched to slap it of his face. Right now I wanted to kiss it. And that's exactly what I did.<p>

The smirk grew more pronounced under my lips.

"Eric", I sighed happily, leaning into his touch when he tucked loose strand of hair behind my ear.

His hold on me changed slightly, morphing into something closer to an embrace.

"Don't ever do that again", he said, his smirk disappearing.

"Kiss you?", I teased, drunk on the feeling of his hands on me.

He growled. An honest to God growl and I giggled, but my laughter died quickly as he claimed my lips in hard, punishing kiss.

I could take this form of punishment every day.

"Say it", he demanded, when he broke away from me , leaving me gasping for air.

"I promise", I said turning serious.

I run my fingertips over his face, caressing exposed skin. He seemed to like it.

"Are you done running from me?", he asked.

I only managed to nod, before he continued his assault of my mouth. I gripped his shoulders and desperately kissed him back. The kiss was rough and possessive and there was a very clear massage behind it. I was sure Eric had more to say on the matter, but right now he chose to show me what he meant rather than actually say it. He was marking me, with his actions and his scent. I had a feeling he'd mark me with more than this before he'd be done with me. I shivered at the thought and Eric's fangs clicked into place, slicing my tongue in process. Eric made some kind of throaty sound and sucked greedily on the cut. The kiss grew more intense and it looked like things were about to get out of control.

"You're mine", he growled out. And never in my life would I have thought those words could make me that happy.

"Only yours", I agreed breathlessly, answering unvoiced challenge.

It only spurred him further. I had a feeling he's going to be unbearably smug after my eager agreement, but at the moment I didn't care.

I felt Eric lifting me easily and only then I realised I was wrapped around him like a monkey. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew we should stop, that this was not right place and, sadly, the right time. Not quite, not yet; we should go home and talk...

"There will be no going back this time", he warned me suddenly.

For a second I couldn't remember why he'd even feel a need to tell me this.

"I don't want to go back", I said, bewildered. "I love you."

Eric stopped abruptly, staring at me with unreadable expression on his face.

"Eric?", I questioned, stroking his cheek. "What's wrong?"

"But", he said softly, yet somehow gravely.

"What?"

I searched his eyes, honestly not understanding.

"But", he said again.

At this point my mind was turned into a mush and I didn't even realise he was baiting me, and why he was questioning me. I couldn't think of a single "but", he'd be probably hinting at.

"But? But what?", I repeated confused. "What's going on?"

Apparently, my lack of answer was the right answer itself because I could swear, that I saw another piece of ice in his eyes melting just then. I sucked my breath waiting for his response, but he simply kissed me hungrily again instead of explaining.

"Er-?", I tried.

"Shut up", he cut me, his voice thick.

"Okay", I agreed meekly.

What can I say? Confusing or not, Eric's kisses were earth-shattering.

However, I forgot about my confusion almost instantly, as he worked me into frenzy.

I felt, trough the fog in my head, that he lowered himself to the ground sitting with me on his lap. His hands moved under my top and I rocked my hips whimpering. God, I missed him. I know it sounds ridiculous, considering it's been only few days since our last time together, but I spent most of them convinced I'd never get a chance to experience it again.

I wasn't sure if the night was chilly, or if I was shivering for entirely different reason. He kissed his way down my neck and my fingers curled seeking something to grip for support. My left hand closed on his shoulder, while the other landed on something hard and cold. Stony.

One would have thought I should have stopped the moment I realised it was a tombstone behind Eric's back I've been holding on.

But, _nooooo_. It was only when I noticed the letters on it and focused enough to read them despite the heavy haze of lust clouding my sight and judgement. I gasped realising whose empty grave it was I've been currently rolling on with my Viking.

"Eric Northman!", I shouted mortified. "You wouldn't!"

He burst into long, loud laughter. I wanted to be mad at him for trying to trick me into doing something so mean, but I couldn't help feeling relief at hearing this sound again.

"You can't blame me for trying", he said, twinkle in his eye, and that damn smirk in place.

God help me, because he was right. I couldn't.

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><p>Some time later, we were climbing on my porch steps, both of us considerably calmer. We agreed to move to another location, after only one attempt from Eric to change my mind about fucking on one very particular grave. I wasn't entirely sure if he was kidding. Even now I caught him gazing toward a cemetery regretfully.<p>

"I'm pretty sure one could put it under lease majesty", I mumbled under my breath.

Eric grinned at me and I glared at him. I shook my head and turned toward the doors with Eric hot on my heels. I put the key into the lock, but it didn't turn. I furrowed my eyebrows. I could have sworn I locked the doors.

"That's weird", I said and pressed the handle before Eric could have stopped me.

In the next few seconds, many things happened seemingly at the same time.

The doors cracked open.

I felt a whoosh of air, when Eric zipped past me and knocked me behind himself, before I could look inside and before the doors even fully opened.

I fell on my butt from the force of Eric's push.

Then I heard a gunshot.

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><p><strong>I'll be happy what You think.<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**So... here it is! The final chapter! Thank you so much for all sticking with me so long – I'm sure I'd never find the motivation to finish you without your comments – I still can't believe this story has over 200 reviews! This is a really big deal for me, so I just want to let you know I appreciate it.**

**I also want to thank my Beta, cokecrazy, not only for her help with editing this story and correcting my English, but also for all words of encouragement.**

**Keep in mind this is 'season final' so there still are many loose ends (like in the real final episode). Anyway... enough of my babbling.**

**Disclaimer: This True Blood story is not a True-True-Blood. This is why you don't have to pay for it.**

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><p>My eyes were planted on Eric's back, when he fell to his knees as the impact of the blow landed on his chest. I screamed when I realised he'd been shot. For a few horrible, insanely long seconds my heart stopped and I froze in terror, held in place by the most torturous uncertainty.<p>

But the bullet wasn't wooden. The world was no that cruel. I didn't have to watch Eric explode into a bloody fountain before my eyes.

In fact, he didn't even fell further, but he steadied himself on his knees and hissed threateningly. Whoever shot him, haven't planned fighting a vampire – they were counting on getting me.

I jumped to my feet and run to the doors, looking for the attacker. Of course Eric's arm shot out to stop me from entering the house. But I was already close enough to look inside – straight at Debbie Pelt's face.

She was sitting across the room, the gun still in her hand, but lowered, as if she'd forgotten about her task. She didn't even lift her gaze at was completely focused on the hole in Eric's chest.

But it wasn't only the shock of shooting Eric instead of me that made her immobile.

It was the blood. Eric was bleeding and Debbie was a former V-addict.

Just as I came to this conclusion, I saw the gun falling out of Debbie's hand. She looked like she didn't even realise she dropped it. She was in a daze. Eric's posture changed slightly as he adjusted his position into something more like a crouch and it didn't take long for me to realize what was about to happen.

"Eric! watch-", I tired to warn, but it was too late.

Debbie lunged straight for his chest. It all happened almost too fast for me to register. She shifted into her animal form mid-air. I'm sure normally Eric would be able to easily catch her before she reached him, but he was still holding me back with one arm. I heard a sickening sound when her teeth connected with Eric flesh. They both growled as Eric tried to tear her off after she greedily latched on the wound. Suddenly there was too much fangs, blood, snarling and rolling on the ground for me to follow. I felt my stomach clench when he finally pushed her away. She didn't loose the dead grip her jaws had on his flesh, so she rip his chest open. I knew one thing, the more she drank, the stronger she became and the weaker Eric was.

It was an instinct when I lifted my hand and shot her with my light. She landed on her back with a whine. She tried to get up, but she was clearly stunned. Eric quickly took advantage of her dazzled state by grabbing her by her neck and tossing across the room, straight into the wall. She yelped, looking quite beaten, but she was already licking the remains of Eric's blood still dripping from her muzzle and I knew she'd heal fast. Eric, on the other hand, looked like he could use some time to gather his strength. The problem was – so could I. I still wasn't at full control of my faerie powers and it was difficult to call them to me at will repeatedly.

Unfortunately for Debbie, you don't have to use vampire or faerie tricks to kill a wolf. My eyes dropped to the abandoned gun. Time stopped and I knew what I had to do. But was I really capable of it?

The decision was taken from me the moment the wolf's growl caught my attention and I saw Debbie readying herself to take another leap. As if in a dream, without thinking about what I was doing, I picked up the gun, aimed and fired.

Her dead body hit the floor with a loud bang. The gun soon followed it, when it slipped from my shaking hands. I stared at the scene before me in shock.

"Sookie?", Eric's hoarse voice pulled me out of my daze.

I turned my head slowly toward him and sobered immediately. He was sitting against the wall, resting. His chest was a raw, bloody mess. I hurried to him to take a closer look.

"Eric! God, are you okay?", the wound looked as if... well, as if a wild animal chewed on it.

"Give me few minutes", he grunted.

"You need blood", I stated.

"I'm fine", he argued.

I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Male pride. How predictable.

"Is the bullet still inside?", I asked instead.

"Yes. I should heal quickly once it pushes itself out."

Without discussing it any further I pushed the rags that were once his shirt apart and exposed his wound. It wasn't a pretty sight.

"What are you doing?"', Eric asked, but my only answer was to lower my head.

"You don't have to", he whispered guessing what I had in mind.

"It would speed up the process, right?", I confirmed looking up at him.

"It's already healing."

I took the evasion as a yes.

"Does it hurt?", I insisted.

He shrugged. Again: avoidance. Meaning: yes.

So I lowered my head again and gingerly put my mouth on the injury, trying not to inflict any additional pain on the damaged skin. Then I sucked. I felt Eric's hand on the back of my head. It took only two gulps for the bullet to hit my tongue. I straightened and spat it out. I watched the rapidly closing wound in wonder. I licked my lips unconsciously, then looked up at Eric.

He had the most inappropriate expression on his face: bliss.

Not the exited, erotic kind, but the relaxed, peaceful one: this kind of bliss that reminds you of laying on the grass on the summer day and basking in the sun. Certainly not the expression you'd expect to see on the face of someone who was supposedly still in pain. But there was something else.

His carefully composed, blank mask was gone again and I watched it disappearing with baited breath, knowing that I must have done something right. His shield was fully down and it was then I realised there had been still a part of himself that had been holding back, protecting himself. It was gone now and in this moment, I saw both Erics – the one with and without his memories – merging smoothly, without any clash.

When I looked into his bright eyes I realised we'd made a full circle. Here I was again, sucking a bullet out of his chest – a bullet he took for me. Only this time I wasn't mad and he didn't deceive me. There was no trick – we just didn't want to see the other one hurt.

Back then, in Dallas, I would have never guessed that it would be important to Eric if I cared. But then again: wasn't that the point of the whole trick? Would I help him if I didn't care?

Did the fact he was so quick to turn the situation to his advantage make him shielding me in a first place meaningless? Didn't he truly save my life that night?

Eric's hand on my head moved stroking my hair lazily while I searched his eyes. His wound was already closed. I put my open palm on his heart.

"Better?", I asked in whisper.

He smiled slowly.

"Oh, yes", he said.

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><p><strong>I marked this story as 'complete', because it is – at least for now. I'm going to take a little break from writing fanfiction, but please let me know – when I'm ready to come back, what would you like more, a new story, or continuation or this one?<strong>

**I hope you like this ending more that the season final (I know I didn't like the original plot line). Don't be shy, tell me what you think!**


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